| Saturday, November 21st, 2009 |
| 6:33 pm |
Answering the front door
Is there ever a reason to answer your front door? I can't remember how many years it's been since I opened the door to anyone I wanted to see and it's always while I'm alone and busy doing something. Furthermore, you have zero to gain opening the door and everything to lose if it's a home invasion robbery. Among those who have knocked on my door recently are the following: 1. Missionaries of various religions: Fuck you and whatever religion gave you the idea you can walk across my front lawn to infest my household with. Fuck you jehova witnesses twice, mainly because you always show up on a fucking saturday. 2. Neighbors: I can't think of a single reason I'd wanna talk to a neighbor. They usually want something and even the lightest small talk seemingly leads you morons into pitching John316 at me. 3. Dear Sales monkeys, here is a partial list of things I'm not interested in: A. Amway. B. Avon C. Mary Kay D. Girl Scout cookies(my own daughter already picks my pocket for that) E. Sponsoring anything F. Magazine sales...who the fuck would buy a magazine these days when you have the net? G. Address painters of the curb. Your kids paint the wrong numbers sometimes and it really pisses me off you guys altering my property without even getting permission. H. Buying candy from a disenfranchised at risk youth. Why the fuck would I encourage your ghetto ass to come to my neighborhood by buying your candy. Note: I always answer the door to you so you understand that I'm home and will shoot your ass if you are burglarizing houses of people not home. BTW, it's understood I won't be very social if I catch you with a can of spray paint or etching anything while here. I. Political activists- Stick your issue up your ass and fuck your candidate with it. J. Discount books- Too much hassle and the ol'lady whines when I use coupons at restaraunts. I mean..who the fuck would I want knocking at my door who didn't already have my phone number and could call first? |
| Thursday, November 12th, 2009 |
| 9:55 pm |
New French surrender technique
It used to be an army would conquer france by conquering it's armies, stealing it's treasure, installing it's law, and subjugating it's women with impunity. Now, the french invite the muslim world in, put them all on permanent welfare, allow the muslims to riot in order to install their own Sharia law, and then sit and watch the rape statistics spiral out of control as unemployed muslim men spend their free time hunting down single french girls to bugger. I guess instead of running away, the french have decided to stop in their tracks, bend over, and spread their cheeks. |
| Tuesday, August 25th, 2009 |
| 3:52 am |
Time for some GOP Koolaid
Just when I think there are no more reasons for me to leave the Republican party, Carly Fiorina runs for California Senator. It's not that this broad screws up everything she touches. It's not just that's she's flagrantly incompetent at everything. It's that she's precocious about it the entire time always alluding that it's style over substance. Obviously, she thinks if she's dressed well, got her hair done by Christoff, and acts confident, that's all that matters. Somebody stick the bitch with a needle and let some air leak out of her balloon head. |
| Wednesday, August 12th, 2009 |
| 1:43 am |
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| Wednesday, June 24th, 2009 |
| 11:06 pm |
Criss Angel show at Luxor SUCKS
If I were to take the money I spent on this show and wipe my ass with it, at least I'd be putting the cash to better use. I was embarassed to watch. I was embarassed for him when I wasn't busy trying not to dose off. |
| Wednesday, May 20th, 2009 |
| 11:38 pm |
I heard Moneymaker was being a prick to players who limped into pots, so I figured I'd drop by his game to entertain myself. I decide to do the opposite and re-raise him every time he raises...after all, money always raises with trash...everyone knows this. Having position on moneymaker is like standing in front of an ATM with a bucket to catch all the cash. PokerStars Game #xxxxxxxxxx: 8-Game (Hold'em Limit, $4/$8) - Table 'Telephus X' 6-max Seat #1 is the button Seat 1: Maverick ($194 in chips) Seat 2: liquorboy ($146.25 in chips) Seat 3: we$theme$$ ($168.70 in chips) Seat 4: gjsmittys ($187.90 in chips) Seat 6: Money800 ($192.15 in chips) liquorboy: posts small blind $2 we$theme$$: posts big blind $4 Robcards2: sits out *** HOLE CARDS *** Dealt to Maverick [8s Kd] gjsmittys: folds Hreha [observer] said, "anyhow gl to all" Money800: raises $4 to $8 Maverick: raises $4 to $12 liquorboy: calls $10 we$theme$$: folds Money800: calls $4 *** FLOP *** [Ks 4d 7h] liquorboy: bets $4 Money800: calls $4 Maverick: raises $4 to $8 liquorboy: folds austriaco25 [observer] said, "y hreha u2" Money800: calls $4 *** TURN *** [Ks 4d 7h] [6s] Money800: checks Maverick: bets $8 Money800: raises $8 to $16 Maverick: raises $8 to $24 Money800: calls $8 *** RIVER *** [Ks 4d 7h 6s] [Jc] Money800: checks Maverick: checks *** SHOW DOWN *** Money800: shows [As 5s] (high card Ace) Maverick: shows [8s Kd] (a pair of Kings) Maverick collected $106 from pot *** SUMMARY *** Total pot $108 | Rake $2 Board [Ks 4d 7h 6s Jc] Seat 1: Maverick (button) showed [8s Kd] and won ($106) with a pair of Kings Seat 2: liquorboy (small blind) folded on the Flop Seat 3: we$theme$$ (big blind) folded before Flop Seat 4: gjsmittys folded before Flop (didn't bet) Seat 6: Money800 showed [As 5s] and lost with high card Ace |
| 10:02 am |
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| Wednesday, May 13th, 2009 |
| 3:28 pm |
Stock Market Notes
1. Little is more satisfying in life than watching the market tank the week after you unloaded your stocks. 2. Why the hell is GM worth more than $.02/share? 3. Why the hell am I *NOT* allowed to short GM? I thought it was only bank stocks I couldn't short. |
| Tuesday, May 5th, 2009 |
| 12:30 pm |
How I sum up my investment life
1. Take a flyer on MGM when it drops below $5 2. Go through period of terror when it drops to $2. 3. Total relief as it flies up towards $10 4. Autosell when it hits $9.50 5. Next day MGM goes up over 40% 6. Fuck me. |
| Friday, April 24th, 2009 |
| 8:38 pm |
Negreanu's pokerstars deal
Does anyone have the specifics of Danny's pokerstars deal? I've heard rumors ranking from 500K/yr to 3million/yr. He's gambling again, so it must be large. |
| Sunday, January 25th, 2009 |
| 10:18 pm |
Social Clubs I'd like to see
1. The OJ Club: Members would meet on Sundays, not unlike a corvette club, and go touring around LA freeways at slow speed in a convoy beginning with a white bronco and a bunch of used, out-of-service police cars. 2. The shopping cart club. Members would converge on Walmarts and leave filled shopping carts near cash registers. Costco would be next target. Does anyone remember the good ol'days when they'd open up a new line when there were three people waiting? |
| Saturday, January 17th, 2009 |
| 10:52 pm |
Yoga and Vegan poker players
Is anyone else tired of hearing poker players rant about yoga and being vegans? Getting in shape is one thing, but listening to a poker player rant about yoga and life as a vegan is like answering the door and having a couple mormon missionaries try to talk their way inside while I'm busy 12-tabling. |
| Friday, January 16th, 2009 |
| 8:00 pm |
Straddling in Vegas
I almost forgot, but not quite. That's because my dad won't let me forget. He straddled twice in vegas and BOTH times was dealt AA. So, naturally, he's a psychic know-it-all genius the rest of the trip... Undoubtedly, his AA straddles will be his answer to any losing argument for the rest of his life and I'm a poor son for not bragging about this feat on his behalf anymore. |
| Thursday, January 15th, 2009 |
| 9:13 pm |
Vegas Trip Report 1/13-1/15
So, I'm back from my comped stay breaking in the Encore. I report the following: 1. About Encore, the rooms/view are fantastic, however, with all new ventures, there are hiccups. I was supposed to get the WSJ delivered to my room each morning and didn't. The beds were poorly made. Worst of all, one of the two unused robes in my room went missing after the first day for no reason. Having already read the sign about being able to purchase one, I realized I'd get charged for this robe. This irritated me to the point it woke me up at night and I had to go downstairs to registration to ensure I wouldn't become a canned horror story of overcharges. Upon checking out, there was a further irritation. I was given a food comp that they tried charging me for and I had to remind them to take it off. The use of color red and butterflies made the casino look like a brothel and the security guards were rather snobby. One more thing. The feather pillows gave me the WORST allergies. I don't think those pillows were hypo-allergenic. 2. I saw Oleg Taktarov, former UFC champ. 3. Poker: Games were going strong at all the usual suspects. There is indeed $1/2NLHE at Bellagio and it was a great game both times I played. Doyle showed up both days in the big room, but the only game he could get down was some chinese poker at 1k/pt I think. Dealing quality everywhere was much worse than usual, suprising me as I thought a poor economy would bring out their best. I did well at poker, but I admit I did something I now consider unethical at the table. Wannabe pro at my right had twice blown me off of marginal hands with oversized river bets. I was sure he was on bluffs, but the price was too steep each time to risk with a marginal hand, so he did it a third time against me and a nice german kid. I had to fold because of the german acting after me, but after folding, I outloud questioned whether or not his bet was too big(suggesting he was on a bluff). The german repeated outloud what I said and finally made a tough all and caught his bluff. Ya, I did it to punish the asshole "pro" for moving on me 3x. I'm a prick. 4. Hey...first trip in years where some whore didn't try to hit on me. 5. I'm starting to really like the fountains at Bellagio...I dunno why. Must be getting old. 6. Almost forgot. Met some MMA fighter at the Orleans who I enjoyed immensely. He had a mohawk, and several interesting tattoos. Left forearm: "Fuck Your Religion" Right forearm: "Fuck Your God" Right eyelid: "Fuck" Left eyelid "You"(so he has the last word after getting knocked out. I asked him about that and he told me his buddy has "Game" and "Over" on his eyelids. I guess you gotta really tattoo the hell out of yourself to survive prison these days if you are a white boy. |
| Monday, January 12th, 2009 |
| 2:45 pm |
Check
So I deposited a very large check into my checking account. Some dumbass at Federal Reserve or someplace keyed it in wrong and left off the last two zeroes. Very pissed. Go to bank. Bank manager says they did it correctly on her end and she speaks to someone on phone who said it'd get fixed. Week later, not fixed. Back to bank. Manager says she got permission to permanently credit me with the cash while I wait for the problem to get fixed, but for some reason it didn't show up. More pissed. Money floating in air somewhere. Bank manager says she'll fix it asap. Ya, right. I hope the Encore wasn't expecting me to actually show up with money to gamble tonight. I'll bring my nickels. |
| Friday, January 2nd, 2009 |
| 8:53 pm |
Calling the clock on somebody
What is the problem everyone has with the clock being called on them? I don't have all fucking day to sit around watching a player sit there with a $5000 stack and taking 5 minutes to stare down an $80 all-in bet. But, I patiently watch CNBC while these idiots go hollywood over each and every call. Eventually, I call for a clock and the immediate response is always the same with the player of interest freaking out, demanding to know who called the clock on him, and then threatening various forms of retaliation. |
| Saturday, December 27th, 2008 |
| 9:09 pm |
Vegas must really be tanking
So a month or so ago the Wynn comps me 3 nights and pays me to show up. I gave them zero gamble. Today I open my mail and get a two night comp for Encore plus they are paying me cash to show up again. Thanks, Steve. |
| Friday, December 26th, 2008 |
| 6:46 pm |
Valkerie
Tom Cruise bets half his stack on a monster draw. Hitler tries to re-assert his dominance by betting out the river. Having missed his chance to flush Hitler , Tom Cruise bluff calls like a bay area tourist in hopes his regime will fold. |
| Saturday, December 13th, 2008 |
| 9:13 pm |
Commerce Report
I like Top Ten lists: 1. Dealer named Dian(last white female dealer at Commerce I think) is one incompetent high maintenance bitch making multiple mistakes and when you complain, will get the floorman herself to complain about anyone complaining. Oh ya, did I mention we had to tolerate her stalling the game so she could whine about how the entire staff was on 4 day weeks because of the recession. She's on permastiff. 2. Older Asian male dealer whose name I didn't catch never counts any bets and just drags entire stacks into the center. I caught him making this error 6 times in a single down which is quite incredible in that 6 times in one down that many players put out the wrong amount in a call. Maybe they knew something...some of the calls were off by large amounts and he was clueless. 3. Collusion is alive and well and the 40ish white floorman with spiky hair does nothing about it despite several of us speaking up after a couple of balloon heads from Team Asia cheated a guy in a wheelchair. 4. I got AA cracked twice, KK cracked, and then finally sucked out myself cracking KK with QQ putting an older player on the worst tilt in history. He immediately went all-in every single hand to the tune of about 15 rebuys. Now that is some high quality tilt. 5. I drag a 5 rack pot after I turn a straight. The best part is I clobber the rock for two of those racks when he gets his set snapped. 6. Jamie Gold's only friend is playing at table nearby. What a freak. 7. The economy must be experiencing armageddon because I'm not even drinking and a hot young cocktail waitress keeps eyefucking me every time she walks by. I won't delude myself into thinking she wants anything besides my wallet. I've been married too long to think any woman wants anything besides a man's wallet. 8. Why the fuck do they have the spanish channel on tv at Commerce? Did a food service employee commandeer a remote? 9. Really bizarre hand. Two players on my left go crazy preflop and both get all-in with 55 vs A4s. A4 then flops a straight flush wheel giving us two draws for the $100K super jackpot. We whiff. 5 min later, table nearby hits the super. An hour or so after that we unfortunately get the dealer who just got stiffed by the entire table who hit the Super. Talk about crying...I wanted to demand my dollar for having to listen to her bad beat stiff story. 10. Dumbest cashier in the world. I have two armfulls of racks to cash out and the cashier allows some moron to blatantly cut/run in front of me to cash two racks of blues. I mighta stiffed her anyways, but I got to feel good about stiffing the bitch after this. |
| Saturday, November 22nd, 2008 |
| 12:16 am |
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